Imagined beauty and found you,
Watching me back with eyes blue,
I wanted to pursue but i knew,
You are the blossom of passing dew,
Drenched beneath the shining hue,
Your art made eternity grew,
Look what you made me do.
I Lifted the eyes and saw everything new.
-Neeldip
Neeldip Barot 
Wow wow wow! It’s awesoome!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for such kind words😇
LikeLiked by 1 person
your poesy is pretty good. God bless you and let you shine always.
Thanks for reading my poem and liking it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 😇😇
LikeLike
All the best
LikeLike
Your words, reflections of love’s touch ❤️
Blessed! Keep writing
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sure will, thank you😇
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lovely.
LikeLike
Thank you so much✌️
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re very welcome
LikeLike
Hmmmm… but so, What does “look at what you made me do ” really mean?
blame and response ability is interesting.
Thanks for sharing your poems. I like being unsure of you.
And thanks for visiting mine. It’s encouraging. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
See i personally believe that sometimes interpretation is subjective, but here the protagonist upon opening the eyes has a distinct sight, so the expression is used, and thank you for such discription. 👍
LikeLike
okay, I like that. Thanks for helping me “see” your poem better. I realize poems can be abstract and ambiguous and have many meanings for different people also, so I didn’t mean to define it so narrowly in my question.
I used to think I knew how to write poems, but honestly I am re-learning or maybe learning for the first time! I appreciate you taking time to reply. Your poem is sweet. I look forward to reading more of your work.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hi again… I don’t mean to be a heckler or a critic…
and I don’t mean to belittle your work, but I think you should rewrite your poem and that line about look at what you made me do, UNLESS you are into Taylor Swift.
Which is valid and maybe cute, even if it’s disturbing to me personally…
‘cuz see how that has already been done:
there is literally a song about “look at what you made me do”
I don’t appreciate her music like the majority of people so perhaps take my critique with a grain of salt…
but the line is old or cliche. “look at what you made me do” is blame regardless of your protagonist or non-ego intention. And it is cute… but…
I like how your poem made me think about this stuff… and google that song… by Taylor Swift whom I never seem to register in my own ear… I mean I just can’t “hear” her. She doesn’t represent or speak to me. Maybe I’m too old for her?
but I must make clear, I think the rest of your poem works.
So even if I don’t know how to write poems yet…
I can hear them pretty good. And that’s my 2 cents.
Thanks for allowing me in your forum. 🙂
I still look forward to reading more of your work and I hope that’s ok, even if I am a bit of a heckler… rather than a flatterer.
And by all means I don’t think you should care what anyone else thinks. Be you.
LikeLike
Its nice of you to put your thoughts forward, really appreciate that but as I see it sometimes poems rely heavily on context, just like a fire kindled at the desert of Antarctica and the desert of Sahara would mean different although the fire is same, and yes I used to hear Taylor swift songs some time ago but it’s not connected perhaps that I can say.👍👍
LikeLike
The best poems are brief things and succinct even in their desperation, ambiguity and or easy misinterpretations.
You are using a cliche which has connotations to Taylor Swift.
So to be clear, and I ask you (rather than implore), is that what you want?
I don’t think fire kindles in the Antartica.
It’s a dwindling thing there but now if you speak to climate change, that’s an absolute.
That’s something we can definitively discuss…
What is the obligation of love to the melting ice?
LikeLike
Nothing is the obligation, just a reference to the point that everything is different form every perspective.
LikeLike
Obligation? What do you mean? No one mentioned obligation before you did. Did you mean rules? Rules of writing?
I break rules of writing regularly, and that’s not what you are doing.
Yes, P.O.V. (context) matters if you actually want to communicate your meaning… although poems don’t have to fit that requirement and can in fact defy it on purpose…
But that’s not the point.
You used a phrase “You made me do it” that Taylor Swift made into a song and that does indicate blame with or without her.
You are ducking that and pretending to be above this discussion.
Don’t Thank me for me input.
Just know your poem does not merit your condescending explanations of it.
Know that your defense of it isn’t making it any better.
And NO you do not have any obligation to write better or think about it or make it better.
But more importantly, There is absolutely NO reason for me to argue with you.
🙂
Thanks for the forum. Love and peace and blessings to you. I apologize for the critique. I won’t bug you any more. I Promise.
LikeLike
Please read your previous thread carefully and i didn’t had tailor swift in mind while writing this, when this became an argument – i leave that to your imagination, and again thanks for your inputs.
LikeLike
I never said you had Taylor Swift in mind. You simply used the exact same phrase and since she is popular it colored your poem and made it less original… Not that anyone is original… There are approximately 6-7 stories for the “hero” so it’s about telling the universal in a unique way… a different way… in only the way you can… so to speak… You don’t need to think about this or care… true that.
You defended your work and I tried to impress upon you how it sounded…
and the word choice “argument” was not intended to blight you. Our language gap matters not tho. Do you thing.
write poems. Get a ton of “meaningful likes” and imagine what YOU will.
Don’t thank me for my “inputs” ‘cuz U don’t even consider them. That’s pretty condescending…
Polite is not necessary. Sincere would have been better.
Peace.
LikeLike
I love the way you are ignorant in understanding and not in spreading views, your opinions does matter cause that is what helps, thanks again, polite is necessary, remaining is what you deduced.
LikeLike
Okay, so enlighten me. I’m ignorant of what “understanding?” What does “not in spreading views” even mean? Your sentence structure is a little off.
I apologize for my late reply as I am not online a whole bunch.
Being that my “opinion matters” and you find it “helpful” How about you stop standing still to admire yourself?
Sincerity matters. Being polite is a conditioned response.
But anyhow, thanks for your forum.
Because you are only fishing for people to flatter you, you and I will have no reason for being. But best of luck to you and your work. No need to reply.
LikeLiked by 1 person
So it is lower English then😂, my sense of humour is a bit dense,sorry, and yes there is contradiction in what you just said, as i see it, and no need to apologize for the late reply you are free to choose what you want, i can’t persue you to do something.
LikeLike
“pursue me to do something” ???
hmmm… Okay you mean you are “not to blame” for me commenting on your thread. And you believe that means you are keeping your “ego” out of it. You believe you are “objective” as in without ego, but that poems are “subjective” as in personal… and you wanna have it both ways. Understood. 🙂
Thanks for the refinement of our conversation.
LikeLike
Ok, not my last comment after all…
this is the teacher I was speaking of…
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/thomas-lux
I at least owe you a link to what starts to make real poems… How to “break thru” and stop being cliche…
Tom Lux is a man who helps young women thru rape because he hears their poetry and is their professor and his wife is a rape counselor… and he is a man without vanity or ego who can listen… and not just use what he hears as fodder… but rather he can speak to what happens to people. Without condescension.
He isn’t the “best poet” but he’s his own poet. He’s his own voice.
Without being “polite.”
He is a man who recommends Stuart Dybek… which is a truly gifted poet… A man who can write poems far into the sublime.
I won’t bother you again. And I wish you well…
But when someone tells you, you sound JUST like Taylor Swift and you are okay with that… and you actually feign a different context….you should take sometime to consider why you are writing poems. You should want real feedback. You should want what makes you grow. Not what makes you feel “validated” but rather what pushes you to do what you claim to have a stake in.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for such reference 👍
LikeLike
You are welcome. Thank you for your replies and forum.
LikeLike
Thank you too for your insights 👍👍
LikeLike
You betcha. 🙂
LikeLike
Kaycee Rice is a great dancer… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsPOtHtt5rU
LikeLiked by 1 person
btw…
How about you please read another one of my “endeavors” as you put it in one of your replies, since you followed my blog…
see what I do before you “like me” again and feel most free to unfollow me. Don’t “like” and “follow” me to get me to do so back… I’m not that kind of girl.
The art and words are mine on this post…
The music inspiration/recommendation is something I usually find after what I write yet somewhat divine…
https://girlpoweracademy.wordpress.com/2018/11/01/sudan-archives-is-a-girl-power-academy-music-recommendation/
So if you actually take the time… Now you know.
Oh ye whom speaks of context…
LikeLike
btw thanks for the poetic discourse. It’s fun. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Also, thing is… most poets are not read in terms of context.
That’d be swell, if that was what the reader would do, but most readers are looking for “relationship” which is not “context” and can be interpreted widely. If a poet wants to be in “context” he will write more specifically. He will fine tune it in order to sway/influence his reader.
But if you are straight form the heart and like a journal entry from a teenaged grrrl… You go girl. That’s valid too.
Be a Taylor Swift poet… because if I felt that from you, that’s what you are.
I only hear what I hear. I am honest in my feedback.
I am looking for real love poems.
LikeLike
Perhaps, your endeavours
Will find peace. Thank you 👍👍
LikeLike
What do you mean, perhaps my “endeavors” will find Peace?
False gratitude does not become you nor does it further any poetic or intellectual discussion. If you mean to dismiss me, do not feign manners on my account. I don’t think chivalry is in order, but it does make you seem “cute.”
LikeLike
See, its not diminishing anyone it was just an honest regard interpreted otherwise.
LikeLike
Last word: You might as well “see” to whom you are “arguing” with…
and “following” blog wise…
I grant you this rare opportunity:
(drum roll please…)
https://girlsodaatlas.wordpress.com/about-2/
So… er hem…
P.S. Lemme know if you want sum help writing better poems.
If not, peace yo.
LikeLike
Beautiful is your description 👌👌
LikeLike
Be more specific.
LikeLike
Also, one last word… a self proclaimed poet who responds in emoji’s (ok ok) and not words is a sham more or less. Like stop using yer phone and actually “understand” those around you. You want understanding? You think I am “ignorant” and not “understanding” of what?
When I told you the line in your poem that popular Taylor Swift used was one and the same, and cliched… you demanded in your own rhyme and context that it become differentiated. I am telling you that you have no real hooks or anchors in your poetry. It does not matter how many people say nice things to you on line. Your poetry is lacking. I can help you hear better.
I had a poetry teacher tear me to shreds when I was a freshman. He is published and not “self published” but actually editor and publisher tried and true.
You say you are not about ego, so … you need sum help. Let go of your ego and that Taylor swift CLICHE line and write something REAL.
You haven’t done it yet.
But you want to.
I encourage you to keep writing poetry. But You aren’t doing it yet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You should try high jump i guess, for all the jumping to conclusions which you just did, but on a serious note, see i am not a trained poet doesn’t want to be, i once read a poem on how to write poems and it taught me something else, i told you before and i am telling you now, things are subjective, take that Taylor swift example i personally never have heard that song till date, which you have did so the concern is obvious, but that is what is important, don’t take a closer look focus sometimes gives blurry outlines, and if you don’t focus on the right thing it might be missed, maybe you can help me become a better poet from your perspective, like your teacher or perhaps like your own self, but that’s not the point as i believe. We can all be good from a single perspective and maybe that is not of much importance.
LikeLike
Thank you for your honesty in reply. I never claimed to be a good poet. You can read back over our mutual thread to see that what I first said was that I didn’t know how to write poems anymore. That I felt like a beginner again. That I was learning finally.
But you called me “ignorant” and I felt you should understand, which is hard to do from such a distance as we have met, that unless you take all the parts to understand the whole, you remain a boy poet.
Yes, write true from your heart. Be you. But more importantly be a better listener. You aren’t hearing your own heart yet. You are a copy cat that has learned to rhyme. There is a certain skill to that…
I never said you were “bad” and I think if you are juxtaposed with people you can still learn from, you don’t have to be good or bad. You are simply learning.
If you think you have nothing to learn from me, say so and we can end our dialogue on good terms. Or “polite” terms. However you say.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can try my best to clear the fog, but to really see you’ll have to open your eyes.
LikeLike
Yes.. perhaps my “endeavors will find peace” Thank you for saying that…
FYI and just so we’s clear…
Here’s another side of me… and them endeavors of mine:
https://tabbyrenelle.wordpress.com/2018/01/16/i-am-grateful-for-the-oral-tradition/
LikeLike
Blossom of passing dew. 😭😭😭 why do I feel so sad on this? 😭😭😭😭
LikeLike
Maybe cause it could be an expression of separation, but nonetheless everything falls in its place👍.
LikeLike
I’m loving it, it really is beautiful. My fave part is: I wanted to pursue but i knew,
You are the blossom of passing dew! Wonderfully written. Now I need more 🙂
LikeLike
Thank you for such kind words 👍👍
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are very welcome. Hope to meet you around more. Have a great Sunday 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you😇😇
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on M_SSUNDERSCORE.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank youu😇
LikeLiked by 1 person